Day 365.

The Last Day.

Here it is. The last day. The last poem. I'd better make it a good one.

Of course, this isn't really the end. It isn't the beginning either. That happened a long time ago when a very shy, little girl didn't know what to do with her thoughts and feelings and found the littlest of outputs with a pen and a notebook. That was the beginning. This is just another chapter of that story.  A story that's being written one page, one line, one word, one thought, idea, and emotion at a time.

This year, they came out in poems.

I began the year as an exercise in discipline. Simple enough - write every day. Because, you see, that shy, little girl grew up. As she did, life's distractions got in the way. It was much easier to "not do" than to "do". There would be no judging, no vulnerability and no work. There would always be ideas floating around, and some of them would occasionally make their way through that pen to that notepad (or whatever scrap of paper was nearby). Some would even be shared with friends or teachers and a handful of other trusted people, while the rest of the ideas just lingered and loitered around, taunting and begging for release but never quite forcing their way through.

That's what this was about. Open the gates. Unlock the doors. Unhinge the box. Free the beast of ideas and creation. Let it roam. Make it work. Tame it. But never put it back in the cage.

What I discovered along the way was what I had probably known from the beginning.

• I love this. This is my art.
• I am good at this.
• It's OK if I'm not sometimes.
• It's OK to be confident.
• It's OK to question myself sometimes.
• People will support you and will applaud the effort.
• Little things matter.
• Inspiration is everywhere, in everything and in everyone.
• You just simply have to look, listen and to start.

The big question seems to be if I will keep this up next year. The answer is, "no". Well, not the same way, anyway. I will absolutely keep writing, and I will keep posting, but it will change. I'm not only interested in poetry. There are more things that I need to write, including finishing some larger pieces that were started years ago. I will be working on those.

My new promise for the new year will be this - one piece of week. It may be in the form of a poem. It may be a short story or an essay, perhaps a play or a musical. It could be a chapter from a larger piece. I may also share things more frequently than once week, if the muse happens to visit. The weekly schedule should allow me time to focus on and develop ideas a bit more thoroughly as well as competing more substantial things. The daily time limit was not always a friend.

I will also be able to start reading again! All of my reading time became writing time. I need to start consuming some words so that I have more to share. (the 1/2 hour every 3rd week while getting a pedicure just wasn't cutting it.)

With all of that said, I really want to thank you. The reason I posted the poems was to keep me obligated. If no one read them, then why bother. Not only did you read them, you supported and encouraged me the whole way through.  You are a part of my growth and my journey.

So, truly - THANK YOU!

Yeah, I know. Get to the poem already. How about two to rap up the year?



Oasis

You don't have to walk for miles to find the oasis.
It will be right in front of you when you open your eyes.
It may be hard to see.
It may not be lush
with palm trees and coconuts,
mangoes and papayas
or shaded by grass huts
or be fed by cool fresh springs.
You will need to plant the seeds.
You will need to build the huts.
You will need to dig the springs.
The oasis is there.
You just have to build it.




Flicker

Flickering.
Blinking.

Just out of sight.
Just out of reach.

The wind blows.
There it is.

Then it's gone
but not forgotten.

It's just waiting
for another breeze.

Day 364

Today, I Became The Meaning of Life

If you ask me what it is,
I will tell you, "Just try."
Though I am not completely sure
that it isn't a lie.
If you ask me how I know,
I'll say, "I just do."
But you better believe it will
be different for you.
If you ask me what I feel,
I will say that it's love.
However, I'm pretty certain
it is all just fluff.
If you ask me what I want,
I will tell you it's, "Peace."
Though I think it might be
just to be free.

If you think I know
just because I am,
I'll you now,
it's only a sham
You can't know the truth
and you never will.
Just order your dinner
and pay your bill.

Day 363

Dream of Me

Dream of me when you're far away.

Create me in your world.

We'll swim the reefs of Atlantis

and climb the mountains of the moon.

Let's jump the rings of Saturn

and sail the Sea of Tranquility.

Dream of me when you're far away.

Love me when you're near.

Day 362

Quiet

Silence
Don't say a word.
Leave me to my solitude.
It is the place where I begin and end.
It is the moment when I am at most peace.
It is the time of my greatest work.
Leave me to my retreat.
Do not come near.
Isolation.

Day 361

Farewell To Love

Where did you go?
I've been searching for years.
With no words
or goodbyes, you simply disappeared.
I've looked between cracks,
around corners, in the sky,
but you're never around.
You won't grace my eyes.
I've missed you so dearly.
You were my salvation, my light.
Without you near,
there is now only night.
Without your caress,
I am captive to sorrow.
Hoping and begging,
it will all change tomorrow.
But it never does,
and you never come,
and the empty days
will never be done.

Day 360

The Water

Fill my cells until
they are busting,
and the desert that is
in my veins has flooded.
Wash down on me
and make me clean.
Take away my sins
and misdeeds.
Carry me out to sea
on rocking waves
that cradle me to sleep.

Day 359

In Love

We swung on tree swings
when we first met,
the promise of hope and
eternity in our eyes.
We held hands and giggled
as the rain soaked our hair.
We ran through hundreds of tourists
as we hurried to our train.
Time stood still
while we romped and played
and explored each other
and the world around us.
Until it jerked forward.
We awoke from our dream
and reality became our dreams.

Day 358

In the quiet hours
when the cars
have stopped driving
through the neighborhood,
and their alarms
have been silenced,
there's a peace that
covers the spirit and
washes the heart with calm.

Day 357

Entitled

How dare you accuse me of being lazy?
How dare you blame me for our governments failures?
Am I not a part of this society just like you ?
Do I not warrant a little help just like you?
Who are you to judge me from your comfy chair in your warm house?
Who are you to criticize me in my cold apartment?

I am not here because I like it.
I am not here because I haven't tried to leave.

I am here because this
mold-ridden,
rat infested,
broken elevator,
no heat,
roach trap
of a 20 story
prison cell
is all I can afford.

I take the money because
my children
will go hungry
if I don't
because their father died
serving our country
and now I am alone.

What would you do if
you woke up one morning
with a dead husband,
three children,
and you barely earned
enough to pay the electric bill
when that's all you had to pay?

What would you do if
the only thing
keeping your children fed
and a roof over their head
was a meager $500 a month?

I don't take the money because
I'm greedy or lazy or don't want to better myself.
I take it because I need it.

Why must you shame me
when I'm already on my knees?

Day 356

Winter Solace

As the temperature drops,
and the ice forms on the lake,
hold me so the only warmth
I need is from your body.
As the winds howl and rage,
and oak trees are blown over,
caress my hair so the fear
becomes a distant memory.

Day 355

I Will Live Forever

I woke up this morning.
It would be one of many
that will be the same
from this day on.

I will not die.

I will wake up each day
with the same wrinkles on my face,
with no more gray hairs on hy head,
with no weight loss or weight gain.
I will look exactly the same forevermore.

There will be no flowers at my funeral
for there will be no funeral,
no tears of sadness
or sympathetic mass cards,
no eulogy,
no words of remembrance.

There will only be
days on weeks on
years on decades
of life and joy,
anger and pain,
vengeance and forgiveness,
hate and love.

There will be nothing
I will not try.
I will travel the world
and see the sights,
climb the mountains,
sail the seven seas,
make snowballs in Antarctica.
Time will ample.

I will not fear death,
only boredom,
only sadness of
losing you from old age.

I woke up today with
all of time in my future.

Day 354

Solitary

Unknown
Never known
Can not be known
Enigma
Puzzle
Contradiction
Traveling the
Straightest line
Possible
Unraveling
Details
That never
Existed.

Day 353

Sleep, sleep, my slumbering prince.
Live in the world of dreams.
Rest, rest, my restless pumpkin.
Imagine the dreams are real.

On cotton ball clouds,
and rainbows of sugar
you play hide and seek.

Your friends will soon
find you because all of
them have peeked.

But sleep, sleep, my slumbering prince
for morning is right behind you.

Day 352

Stuck

One foot in the pool
was all it took.
The molasses thick water
would not let go.
Any attempt at pulling away
only pulled you in deeper.
The sticky substance
became a fly trap.
Unable to see the bottom,
the depth was incalculable.

Day 351

In The Reflection

In the reflection,
all is revealed.
Minor knicks become
gapping chasms.
Pores become satellite
disks in a trailer park.
Grey hairs become
an expanded Brillo pad.

In the reflection,
beauty is found.
Blue eyes twinkle like
stars in the light.
Blonde hair flows like
a horses finely groomed mane.
Red lips are
sultry in their desire.

Day 350

Look Away

I pointed my
flashlight into
every corner.
I only found
empty spaces
that longed
to once again
be shrouded
in shadows.

Day 349

Advice To The Chronically Single

Don't rush.
Don't worry.
You're still young.
It will come to you.
You have plenty of time.
It will happen when you least expect it.
Be the type of person you want to attract.
You have so much to offer.
Do things you enjoy.
Stop looking.
Get out there.
Be yourself.
Don't settle.
Don't date.
Don't try.
Date.
Try.

Believe.

Day 348

The Change

Stand Back!
she said and the
fire flew from her mouth.
The transformation was complete.
It was barely noticeable
when at first began,
although she knew
in her very essence
that something was new.
Helpless to resist,
she let the changes
wash over her.
Her blood boiled
He skin crackled
Her hair singed
She no longer recognized
her own face in the mirror.
Those around her
did not seem to notice.
They continued to see her
beautifully smooth skin
and her long, thick hair.
Indistinguishable to her ears,
her voice was as mellifluous 
as ever to others.
When the flames 
exploded from her, 
the amazement rendered
them speechless.
At that moment,
her true self was revealed.
Ashamed and relieved,
she finally embraced
her new existence.

Day 347

Short and hopefully sweet.

Cleanse

Oceans wash away
the sands at their edges,
reclaiming what once
was a part of them.

Day 346

Dear Handsome

Dear Handsome,
I loved you.
I still do.
I never told you.
I couldn't, but I think you knew.
You didn't love me.
I knew.
You couldn't, though I don't know why.
There were moments when I though you did.
I was wrong.
I wanted what you couldn't give.
You wanted nothing from me.

It hurt deeply when you pulled away.
More than you could ever know.
It still does.
I should be over this now.
I'm not.
The wounds are somehow
still fresh after all this time.

I often wonder what I could have
done to change your mind.
I know the answer is "nothing".
I often wonder if you think
of me now with fondness.
I hope there are times you do.

When I hear your name,
When I see your face,
When I feel any of the things
that made you who you are,
I am on the verge of tears
for the "could have been".
I am torn in two
through your heart.

Losing the love
I never had has
hurt more than
any other love
I've lost.

Day 345

Empty

The all consuming chasm
that is my soul
can not be sated.
The more I give,
the more it wants.
A bottomless pit
fueled by emotions,
it steadily expands.
The more it grows,
the more I shrink.

Day 344

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry.
I seem to have forgotten
the memories you
hold so dear,
the times you held
my hand and
whispered in my ear.

I'm sorry.
I seem to have forgotten
the nights when
we laughed til dawn,
the day when
you wrote me that song.

I'm sorry.
I seem to have forgotten
the journey we made
that sealed our love,
the year you were all 
I thought of.

I'm sorry.
I seem to have forgotten
the joys you claim,
the silly pet name,
the love you feel,
that it was real.

Day 343

The End

Lying supine on a pee-stained mattress,
wrappers from last week's candy surround,
ash cans littering the room overflow with butts and crumbled tissues.
He weeps.
Curled in a ball, knees cradled in his arms,
the smell of vomit and sweat thickens the air,
windows painted black create permanent night.
He laughs.
Needle dangling from a collapsed vein,
rubber tourniquet tightening circulation,
euphoria washes through his mind, body and soul.
He dies.

Day 342

This is another one of those with a concept I have in mind. Others may come with a similar theme.

Depth

You've painted oceans
white with hundreds of waves
crashing down on one another,
dozens of ships dotting the expanse
with their propellers chopping below,
and seagulls circling overhead,
hunting for their next meal.
You can not see beneath
the blue-black water.

Day 341

Where There's Smoke

There's a fire in her eyes tonight,
fueled by alcohol and loud music.
There's no telling where the night will lead
when the flames burn hot,
consuming her from the inside out

There's a fire in her soul tonight,
fueled by lost loves and broken promises.
There's no telling where the night will lead
as the flames rage high,
consuming every bit of her,
leaving only ash and embers.

Day 340

You Know Nothing

You think I am shallow
because I care how I look.
You think I am dumb
because I am blonde.
You think I am smart
because I wear glasses.
You think I am lazy
because I am fat.
You think I am insecure
because I wear makeup.
You think I am arrogant
because I stand proud.
You think I am apathetic
because I don't fight back.
You think I am stubborn
because I do.
You think I am complacent
because I am content.
You think I am finicky
because I am not.
You think I am odd
because I dress different.
You think I am plain
because I dress the same.
You think I am picky
because I don't like what you do.
You think I am unoriginal
because I do.

Your judgement is obvious.
Your disdain apparent.
Your ignorance blinding.

Day 339

Demon

Go now.
Leave us.
Never come back.
Your vicious words
and horrible lies
have gone on far too long.
The poison you feed us
has lost its disguise of sweetness.
Its true bitterness has surfaced
and can never be untasted.
The nausea it has left behind
will never be abated.
Leave us.
Go now.

Day 338

Who Are We?

If you open your eyes,
you'll see it.
How could you not?
It's everywhere.
The hatred.
The anger.
The prejudice.
The violence.
The fear.
The bias.
The frustration.
These are not
the hallmarks
of a society
that claims
to have evolved;
of a society
that claims,
"Give me 
your tired, 
your poor, 
your huddled masses 
yearning to breathe free."
You can bring 'em.
What happens to 'em
once they get here,
well that's a whole
other story.

Day 337

When I Have Forgotten You

I look at your face,
but I do not see you.
A tiny hint of the familar
makes me tilt my head.
It does not help.
Your voice is soothing.
It speaks such lovely words,
but its melody is
new music to my ears.
I lean in to listen.
It does not help.
Your touch is warm
as you take my hand
between yours.
The caress tells me you care.
I return your grasp
to bring you closer.
It does not help.

Day 336

I walk. I think.

I walk.
I think.
The music plays,
a constant in my mind.
I reminisce.
I weigh the future.
I plan conversations
I will never have.
I replay ones I did.

I walk.
I think.
The distance behind,
a blurry memory.
The stretch ahead,
exhaustingly long.
I take stock of
the choices
I have made.

I walk.
I think.
I convince myself
to make the changes
I know I never will.

Day 335

Can You Feel The Pressure?

Gases collide and air expands,
caught in an ever changing vortex,
pulling you one way, then the other,
collapsing down on you,
smashing into you,
crushing you,
until the weight is too much to bear.
You implode from the force.
You fall back and watch as
your pieces are shattered inward.
They clang and scrape against
each other then settle to rest.
They once again become one,
certain the pressure will turn them
into diamonds.