Day 261.

The death of my sister, Kathie, was the most life altering thing that has ever happened to me and my family. If anyone is the survivor of a suicide, you know exactly what I mean. It's devastating. There is nothing that can heal that wound. You only learn how to deal with it over time, and hopefully you learn how to use that pain toward something positive.

Kathie was 25 when she died. Today is the 25th anniversary of that day. That's pretty monumental.  I didn't realize that when I set out on my poetry journey this year. In fact, I didn't even realize it until about an hour or so when I sat down to write today's poem. I'm glad that is. It means that I get to share these thoughts with all of you.  Thank you. For everything.



25

Today,
You have been gone
as long as
You were alive.

In the before
You were a daughter
You were a dancer
You were a student
You were a soldier
You were a mother
You were a sister
You were a friend
You were a lover
You were a ray of sunshine
when we were in darkness.
You were a beautiful face
with a beautiful soul.

In the after
You are a memory
You are a reminder
You are a ghost
You are a feeling
You are an inspiration
You are a distraction
You are perfect
You are a burden
You are a shadow of doubt
in the afternoon sun.
You are a dagger
straight through the heart.



25 (2)

The feeling of time passing
as a lifetime means
nothing when it actually is.



25 (3)

In the time that you've been gone
I've cried
I've yelled
I've loved
I've hated
In the time that you've been gone
I've learned
I've lead
I've failed
I've waited
In the time that you've been gone
I've lived.



Twenty Five Years of Life and Death

A tiny baby girl that arrived too soon
Dancing in tutus
Plaid pants that sat way too high
Silly faces
A broken tooth that was fixed poorly
Frizzy hair
A commitment to Uncle Sam
Mean men
A blonde baby boy
Diapers
Struggling to make ends meet
Filthy apartment
Deep pain that could never be healed
Broken inside
A beautiful woman that left too soon
Goodbye.